Smoking Culture #1: Disposables, with tips*

Smokers, we’re a dying breed. And the rich and fertile yeild of smoking culture has gone fairly unexplored on this blog.

Let’s get stuck in with a rant about disposable lighters.

Clickies, flint-roller ones and clippers. Child locks. Crazy gas flamers.

Got a light?

I hate clickies. There’s always plenty more gas left in them after the electronic spark ceases to ignite it. I can see the spark in there, and I can hear the gas rushing through. Feckin’ useless. And worse still in any breeze whatsoever.
Add a child lock to them and you may as well use the trusty packet of chewing gum. (*tip!* It’s always most amusing to hand someone a pack of gum and see them attempt to drunkenly light up with it).

*tip!*clicky child lock trick: Whip off a bit at the end of an incense stick and lodge it in the lock. You still have a really shitty lighter, but at least you can multiple-repeat-click into your jacket’s armpit on a windy day rather than scream at the thing before bouncing it off the ground and into on-coming traffic.

Flint rollers are fine. They’re the staple lighter – particularly bic. (*tip!* Always adjust them to singe eyebrows – do so by carefully removing the metal casing and adjusting the plastic do-hickey over the flame strength wheel so that it turns multiple times stronger than it ever should. *tip!*Always replace the casing or you’ll melt the bastard in the thirty seconds it takes to locate your phone under the couch in the pub. *tip!*Just ring the phone – it’ll light up). In some cases freeze your hand trying to refill them from a can of butane.
*tip!*Usually there’s a bit of flint left when the gas is gone, and if you’re so inclined you can hang on to it to flint-up the greatest of all dispolasbles, the modest but outstanding Clipper.

Nice.

Clippers. What can’t they do? Clip them out. Clip them in. Clip them out. Turn the clippy-out around a bit. Clip it back in…

It’s a world of pointless, but a-bit-cool-looking fidgetty bliss. If so inclined, the plastic shaft can be used to poke things – even smoking related (tobacco into the end of a rollie/a roach… eh… a knacker looking for a “spare smoke bud” in the eye).

And it gets better. One and a half words: Hex Wheel.

Phwoar!

Finally, I mentioned the mad gas rocketty ones. They’re mad they are. Even if utilised purely on a practical level, the flame lasts all of three hours.
But of course, they’re so mental they last but three minutes. Usually in the hands of a child, but people of all ages are just as spellbound by the hissing blue wonder of a flame.

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And there you have a quick overview of the rollercoaster ride of disposables – tips and all, fair play to me.
Stay tuned for the Disposable Lighter Etiquette installation to come, and watch the sparks fly.