Archive for November, 2008

Friday Dedication #1: Hallowe’en Hooker Story (Red’s request)

November 28, 2008

Red does a weekly vote for a Friday story-time (which he needs to tweak time and again in order to enable any voting whatsoever).

After the event, and unable to offer any kind of voting (working or no), I’ve decided, at his request, to do the exact same.
The votes are in. One vote out of one for the single choice;

Hallowe’en Hooker Story.


Think again.

Hallowe’en is a mate’s birthday. He’s not the type to go for ‘fancy dress’ (in fact he is more notorious for getting unfancily undressed, but however…)
He was celebrating outside the city centre, and in regular clothing, I left my place, in the city centre to bus it out his way.
I marveled at the delights of scantily clad ‘devils’, ‘angels’ and ‘witches’ cackling and running about with permanent goosebumps and undoubted chaffing of protruding nipples. I gawked, almost equally (but either) impressed or unnerved at other costumed folk frolicking about town.

I was so doing at the bus stop, puffing on a smoke, noting a hooker costume bustling about in the queue looking for a light. I felt about for mine and held it aloft as she approached. She seemed a little out of sorts for a Hallowe’en reveller. Something wasn’t quite right as she asked “duzza’ buzz goiz tih… ung.. Baggit Shshstreeh?”
My peer slanting curiously at her overly madeup raggedy face, I mmhmmed an affirmative.

“Juzz trynna… getsum cash togedder y’know?… Baggih Streeh,” she suggested more than stated, tottering slowly away.

I peer down at her genuine hooker boots in genuinely strung out stance – inverting the high heels almost to the concrete, and am gobsmacked by the genuine Hallowe’en solicitation.

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Anger is a Gift

November 11, 2008

As part of my spruce up efforts, I decided to purchase one cylindrical and two spherical lampshades. They were light but large and ticked me off no end while tip-toeing and sliding like a ballerina through the usual barage of idiot Saturday shoppers all about town in search of some new footwear (which I eventually found in the last of 20 odd shops I had left to visit).

I also bought one of those build-it-yourself w/free allen key bedside lockers. Large and heavy. I figured it would be tricky, but my place was a five minute walk and I could do it.

I hadn’t factored in the rain. Sure, when I saw it I grimaced, shrugged and hooded up, but I hadn’t really factored in the rain.

Got pissed on carrying the locker. The cardboard promptly melted away as I trudged down the street. Fun.

I only barely made it to the apartment block entrance, just managing to keep the bits together (with much thanks to Random Chinese Girl who noticed and picked up one of the plastic dealies) and literally dump them in frustration and exhaustion by the gate, soaked cardboard whisked off by the wind.

The paper bags of lampshades were also falling apart (thankfully I didn’t have to chase lampshade balls around in the rain). Back out to haul the bits, the panels, the remaining cardboard in. I failed to get the lights switched on – by manner of headbutt.

Inside I threw down the stack and let out the loudest most primal scream I’ve ever bellowed.

I then sighed, smiled inside and sat down for a relaxing smoke. Felt relieved in the end.
The locker was constructed without a hitch later on – bar one shelf bottom being upside down and two spare divets.

Tidy Mind

November 6, 2008

I told herself I won’t see much of her this weekend because I need to ‘freshen up’.
I’ve been feeling like a stagnant pond lately (hence no posting) and the general bleurgh of it has driven me to action.

Part of this action will be a haircut, and perhaps some new attire, but for the most part I will concentrate on my abode.

Considering I’m a male who lives alone, my place is generally quite clean and tidy. The domestics are attended to with fleeting but adequate care. My cooker top, surfaces and toilet bowl are usually clean if not pristine, and if the dishes aren’t done they’re at least rinsed clean and stacked beside (never in) the sink. Clothes and ‘stuff’ are periodically sorted and placed where appropriate.

But, of course, I allow a certain build up of untidy clutter, dust, gunk and grime in less demanding areas.

It’s obvious enough, but still surprises me how a good sort and tidy or scrub and sparkle can affect people psychologically.
A decluttered gaff can often result in a less confused head.

I’ve just tackled the bathroom from ceiling to floor and already feel a freshness and freedom emanate and radiate from my very soul.
Enough at least to throw up a few sentences here.