Smoking Culture #2: Lighter Acquisition Rules

My mother is one. And I know all too many people who wake up next day the same – tens of ‘accidentally’ pocketted lighters.
I’ve always been actively opposed to the practice, being a lighter-buyer. I am amazed at smokers who openly admit to the notion: “Who buys lighters? No-one!”
But I have fallen into the habit. I’ve only bought one out of my five last lighters.

Woops

It happens. But it needs governance. It needs policing. Rules to adhere to, bend and find exception for.

That’s where my lot come in. My friends have devised a system which legitimises lighter theft. Of course, this immediately opens up the area of corruption and turns it all into a damn game, but most of the rules are sound and provide a fairness.

All rules apply to disposable lighters. Zippos etc. may never be stolen.

1) If you wake up with a lighter, you officially own it.
2) If you are accused of acquiring a lighter by the owner on the day you acquired it, you must admit acquisition and return said lighter.
3) If someone is wrongly accused of lighter theft, the lighter in question must be relinquished. (i.e. you can accuse once, if you are incorrect, say goodbye to your green clicky).

Exceptions.
The following exceptions have been contested, but myself and KJames adhere to them:
a) Lighters of sentimental value. (Said value must be demonstrated and proven to a convincing enough extent, possibly requiring an objective third party to determine said sentimental value).
b) Hexagonal roller Clippers are to be treated as under the ‘zippo’ rule.

Phwoar! (again)

Their one other rule has nothing to do with lighter acquisition and I take exception to its arbitrary and unnecessary finnickiness.

When (if) purchasing a lighter you have absolutely no right to voice preference of style or colour.

I agree regarding colour since it’s an interesting indication of what the person serving thinks of you. I like when they clearly consider the choice and lash over a deep purple or royal blue. Less so when they don’t and chuck a yellow at me. And less again when it’s a half considered choice and I get a black one.

But foot down at style. “Do you have any lighters that aren’t clickies?” I’ll ask if I can’t see any. If the answer is no I’ll get a box of matches.
If I see Clippers I will ask for a Clipper. It’s my damn prerogative to avoid child locked clickies at all costs. Damn it.

The indignation I get from the likes of Spook when I mention this is nothing short of pure dismissal.

So I steal his lighter.

Tags: green clicky, lighter law, lighter theft, lighters, rules and regulations, smoking culture, zippos